no strings attached;
|
4/26/2009
noone but me from URL @ 10:04 PM Shot through the heart, and you're to blame You give love, a bad name. I haven't done my lit essay which was due last friday, wahpiangeyyyyyy. & I am exhausted right now. Legs aching and brain's drained. Yucks. & I cannot believe that i am doing this, something i've said that i'd never do :O! & its also the first significant thing i'll be doing when i turn 18 haha. Whaaaat a way to start mann, so highly uncharacteristic of me. Heh. Anyway, 181818! Haha i get excited at the thought of 18 and i like telling people and going all high, but in all honesty im not really excited. I wonder why. Anyway, back to i cant believe i'll be doing this, homgzzzzz. If you all call yourselves my friends, MY FRIENDS, i am begging you to please not shout nonsense okay? Just shuddup and watch and you can alllll laugh at me afterwards, okay? Okay, Friends? K have i said that i am exhausted? Oh yes i have. Welll, i shall go off and try to start on my literature essay now. :s see how far i progress before i get distracted/tired/phone rings. & I agree with nish in saying that im excited for this week cos i get to meet makkalz/lovelies/precious pplz plus, 4day week ya'll! Im not excited for this week for only one reason, but that aside, Hakunamatataaaaa! :D && you! Talk to me please. I think we got it wrong. Lovely as the smile may be, it's got a lot behind it and we both know it, so comeonnnn. Haaaa like you'll see this, but i wish you could before i see you next :/ A school boy's dream, you act so shy 4/24/2009 noone but me from URL @ 10:03 PM "The two most stupid words in the English dictionary are "IF ONLY", Mr Sayers. So much to do, so little time and blogging is just wasting a teeeeny bit of it, oops. I think i've been pms-ing the past few days haha. I feel so bad mood-ish and then i get sososooo high. Or maybe its just the people. Sometimes i'd rather be alone than with people who annoy me. Nish i'll steal your ex-line here and go, "I'm a loner". But anyway i have a very low tolerance level and i need to work on that. Hmm. I miss good old fridays with good old people. Ics indians are fun, but i miss my makkalzz sosososososo much ): Next week next week. Anywayyyy, i love watching people dance! Haha, especially people who can dance damn well homggzzz hotness! I just get mesmerised and start staring subconsciously, heh. Think JT, think vijay. How do they do it ah, seriously? It's as if they don't even have bones, that smoooooth gosh. Okay, i shall go off now. Im going to repay my sleep debt, though i reallly shouldn't. But I reallly dont feel like doing the stupid lit essay cos i dont know what to write about :/ dammmmit. & I miss so many people very very badly ): Ohohoh! I enjoyed wednesday! Anyth for you nurin :) & hello again zarifah after sooo long! :) & adlin, oh wait, you bullied me bluekzzz. Anyway, thanks for the midweek relief ya'll! Much needed. K im done here. Bye! just close your eyes, we'll hope its not for nothing at all 4/21/2009 noone but me from URL @ 9:52 PM Just to love, just for love, just for plain simple love. I think that i am a very detached person. & If im attached, i am too attached. What do you think? Well i hold tight to things i love, so bluekzzz for you if i don't love you. Heh, to * or not to *. I still don't know and nxtthursday's comingggg. Oh! My mom wants to take me out for a beer next week hahahaaa. & she asks me to bring along alll my drinking friends. hahaha (i dunno what kind of image my mom has of me and my friends, seriously.) &I am craving to use my clt passss. Today when i told someone i was from ncc, (with ppl like thilanga & dunnowhowho saying ohyayaya!) she went sth like, "oh no wonder you're like quite cool to see". (tl to el translation) HAHAHA, welll duh it made my day! :D Ics people are damn funny hahaha. K i have so much work to do and i don't want to start, yucks. & i dont like being treated like glass dammit. But its dyingggg, mannz. Kkk happy midweek tmr! we wont stand for hazy eyes anymore 4/19/2009 noone but me from URL @ 9:16 PM So baby kiss me thru the phone! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA! Kkk joke joke! Hahahahha. Oh anyway! I have a new temporary number, 96136409. I need to promise myself to nevereverneverever stay at home during the weekends anymore. Call it bad fengshui or whatever, but i can nevereverneverever get down to work and it sucksss. Mom went for some bday party in msia so it was bonding session for my brother and i again. The things we do, heh. & my pooor dog hahaha. Okay, nothing much to say. OH WAIT! Zac Efron is like HOTNESS VERY VERY MUCH! Homgzzz, roopi adlin & i weren't even listening to what he was saying in the movie but just squirming at his hotness hahaha. He's changed i think, he wasn't that hot in HSMs. Or maybe it was just the role, he acted pretty well this time i think. But anw, he's so hot i rank him on the level of Justin Timberlake, beating Ashton Kutcher. &&& for those of you who know me well enough, JT level is like, highhhhhhhhh. Ooooh hotness!! & you 2! HAHAHA, i still think * looks like him! HAHAHAHA ;D My mother is very funny, but i will not say anything because i will not make the same mistake twice because i am not selfish because everyone deserves a chance at happiness. Okay, school ahead. I have 3 essays due, blgrahhhh. Im dreading school but howellllzzzz. I ought to be shot la, really. & mann, i really dont like hearing about you so much. everyone else knows so much more about you so much better, so maybe & just maybe i got you wrong? If i were a boy, i think i could understand 4/15/2009 noone but me from URL @ 8:22 PM  This is a random but not so random thought: Late at night when i look at the flyer, sometimes i just can't help but stop and stare for awhile. It's so far away, and yet so near; so big yet so tiny. It's so bright and colourful, and yet the sky's still dark. & as much as i squint, i can't see the capsules moving, but i know that they are. I think that the giant piece of metal is rather beautiful actually. & then, the next thought that crosses my mind would be, "magic"; and it'd serve as an answer to it allll so i'd pry my eyes away from the flyer, satisfied, with a little bit more warmth in my heart. "Magic yawww", hahaha. I like the flyer. :} My dad cheated my feelings so i have to go waste more money on another prepaid line till my birthday because i really really miss having a phone. A handphone. Its been 2.5 weeks already & i've had enough of the inconvenience, the insecurity and the mere lack of it. Plus i miss messaging certain peoplezz. People ask me how i manage to survive and i wonder too. Haha, im just either loser or independent like that i think, howellz :] Okay i don't know what to say. Oh i went to watch soccer girls just now, 11-0 i think, awesomeeeee. Hahaha, some of the goals were funny; the ball just rolled in and the keeper was just watching the ball. ?! People were just like, 'Huh what?! GOAALLL!'. & i cant believe that i just went and sat there alone to watch the match, but i'm also proud of myself cos i did it alone although i was a bit intimidated. Next week shall be nurin's! :) & this time with friends. Roopi Adlin are in, anyone else? :) Comecome and cheer mj bolehhhh hahaha. I think time is zooooooming by; im not quite sure if i want it to slow down, or keep at it, but boy is time flying. Go catch it go, bye! when you look me in the eyes,
4/13/2009 noone but me from URL @ 8:33 PM Next, Please Philip Larkin Always too eager for the future, we Pick up bad habits of expectancy. Something is always approaching; every day Till then we say, Watching from a bluff the tiny, clear, Sparking armada of promises draw near. How slow they are! And how much time they waste, Refusing to make haste! Yet still they leave us holding wretched stalks Of disappointment, for, though nothing balks Each big approach, leaning with brasswork prinkled, Each rope distinct, Flagged, and the figurehead with golden tints Arching our way, it never anchors; it's No sooner present than it turns to past. Right to the last We think each one will heave to and unload All good into our lives, all we are owed For waiting so devoutly and so long. But we are wrong: Only one ship is seeking us, a black- Sailed unfamiliar, towing at her back A huge and birdless silence. In her wake No waters breed or break. 4/12/2009 noone but me from URL @ 10:12 PM Long weekends were almost completely slacked away, but reeeeeechaaaaargeeeeeeeeeee! Met akmal friday night w roopi, pandi sleepover sat-sun & family-ed (both sides) away today! I likelikelike :) Full speed ahead now friendz, hold tight now! It's gna be a hellll of a ride. (2 week anniversary for my sadsad losses tmr :/) You've got me lifted shifted higher than the ceiling, ooohwheee its the ultimate feeling 4/10/2009 noone but me from URL @ 12:35 PM You always smile, but in your eyes.. I don't think anyone really moves on from what hits them hard. Sometimes i think i have, he has, she has, but we all really haven't. Cos when we least expect it, it comes right back and hits us exactly where it hurts the most. No we don't show it, we don't speak about it, but we all know that we hurt. Its at times like this when you thought that you've dealt with it; that you had made that emptiness a part of you and become whole again. But now i think that all these holes just eat at you and you don't even know it. When hugging the closest friend nor hugging the bolster at night works to fill that aching you just cannot find the source of. It eats at you doesn't it? Like a parasite. It eats so slowly and you don't even realise that it's been relishing it until you feel the pain of the hole. I realise that i don't deal, i run away, i hide; well i do everything but deal and now i realise that it hurts. I see sadness and i realise what this should have been like, and i think like this because i have a hole; i am not whole, so i don't appreciate what i have. & i realise that i don't talk about what bothers me. Not anymore, not to anyone. Yeah, i think everyone heals, cos yes, time heals. But no one quite moves on a hundred percent & i don't think time helps with that. Too much baggage. But welll, pick up your 99% other bags and go right? Righttttttt. --- My mother just came in and told me that she put all the beehoon and ingredients out for me to cook. & i said, "No. NOOOO!". Then she said, "okay fine, you just don't eat then". So i said "okay fine. What kind of a mother are you ah ma?" Then she stared at me for awhile, and went, "aiyaaa okay okay i'll cook. Why do you do this to me sarah? You are like a curse you know. A curse! ... & Clean your fan!" & slammed the door hahahaha. My mother so funnnyyyy. & Nish! Hope you're feeling better. Why you always falling sickk ): Pls go drink a lotlotlot of water and sleep more. Work can wait for awhile. Takecare k nishukusu! (I miss you like a LOT btwwwwwww) &Roopi your stomach spoiler la ): But you also, dont eat all the kanda kanda rubbish all like pandi okay. get well sooon. & Goodjob to Suria Narmo Nurin & VJSG! So proud of everyone! :D I can't wait for wednesdays, wna go for all the matches and screaaammmm for you my soccer-playerzz. If only i have a time-turner (think harry potter) i will rewind^3 & go for all the matches, but howellz. Please drink a lottttt of water. (haha random but yeah) Okay, gottogoto church and then study with Roopi Boopi. Gotttogetbackintostudyingmodeeeeeee. & OHHHHH! LIBERATION FOR ME: 25TH NOVEMBER! :D whooptidooooo! Bye! should've thought faster. 4/08/2009 noone but me from URL @ 6:11 AM HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! :D :D  (& syimah's mom!)Well she shouldn't be reading this, but well, my mommyyy turns fourty threeeee! Natalie says that the picture is like a mirror-reflection of my mom & i which is coool. My mom is cool :) and old haha. --- I really like waking up at 3plus-4 am because the world is so silent. It is't the kind of silence that gives you goosebumps, but instead fills you with this unfamiliar peace. Its the start of a new day, of new hope and it's just lovely when it starts with such inner & outer peace & serenity. I don't ever feel this kind of peace at any other time of the day. You should try it too. It's like taking a break without running away. & It's the only time of the day, of my life, i'm able to think clearly about anything at all(non-academic related). Listening to light songs makes it all the more perfect :) Midweek ya'll. Today is an exciting day for Suria Narmo Nurin & VJSG! :D Gooood luck to everyone, i hope everyone wins! I can't wait to go for the matches, egggcitingggg! Okay, pe first period! Oh, i have napfa on my birthday, yucksss. Nurin! Unborn soon please! Roopi! You know what i want! Bubbly- Colbie Caillat I've been awake for a while now You've got me feelin' like a child now' Cause every time I see your bubbly face I get the tingles in a silly place It starts in my toes And I crinkle my nose Wherever it goes I always know That you make me smile Please stay for a while now Just take your time Wherever you go The rain is fallin' on my window pane But we are hidin' in a safer place Under the covers stayin' safe and warm You give me feelings that I adore They start in my toes Make me crinkle my nose Wherever it goesI always know That you make me smile Please stay for a while now Just take your time Wherever you go What am I gonna say When you make me feel this way? I just, mmm It starts in my toes Makes me crinkle my nose Wherever it goes I always know That you make me smile Please stay for a while now Just take your time Wherever you go I've been asleep for a while now You tucked me in just like a child now' Cause every time you hold me in your arms I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth It starts in my soul And I lose all control When you kiss my nose The feelin' shows 'Cause you make me smile Baby just take your time now Holdin' me tight Wherever, wherever, where ever you go Wherever, wherever, where ever you go :} Im back to square 1 baby & totalllly loving it. Its funny how it works though; as though it's never meant to be. Wellwellwelll. I'll settle just this once :} :}:}:} HAHA i really like this smiley! It quite accurately expresses how im smiling inside. I've missed this feeling. Bye lovelies, good day! That you make me smile, 4/07/2009 noone but me from URL @ 6:01 AM Time has the habit, of slipping away, My mom said she wouldn't wake me up today so i set my alarm clock last night. Brrrrnggggg! The stupid thing rang and i saw 0625 so i was like "shittt late"; i started shouting at my mom and brother to wake up and started running around finding clothes, ironing and then showering and only then did my brother kindly shout back at me that it was only 540. Stoooopid alarm clock was 1 hour fast. So here i am, Goooood morning! :) Oh & i was freaking locked out again yesterday, sheeeesh. Welllll surviving without a phone has been okay i guess. First few days i faced withdrawal symptoms HAHA. Had a baaaad itching to message but now it's okay. I get by. My dad's gna get me a new phone for my bday :) So yeapp, uncontactable for awhile more. Don't think anyone misses me- communication-wise- though, so its fine. Dont talk about my tipood please. :/ I will cry, seriously. Yeappp birthday coming! Haha. So's my mom's and my late-grandma's. (If i have a daughter, i hope her's is in April too! That's like 3 generation of the women!) I'm not very excited though. But 18 seems big, hmmm. Let me tell you a story. My late-grandma's birthday is/was on the 27th & mine the 29th right, so everytime we used to celebrate together; with only one cake and all. & I always got so upset cos i always wanted my own cake to blow out all my own candles, but noooo, we had to share so it'd end up with like 50+ candles on what was supposed to be my cake. So, when my grandma passed away (mind you i was young), if im not wrong the first thought that crossed my mind was sth like "Yes!! I'll get my own cake". :/ See the devil child i was. But im sure my grandma forgives me. She always used to chase me around the room with a broomstick, fetch me from kindergarten & get us lost (she had alzheimers), make me peel tougay which i hated but i also always remeber her scolding my dad whenever he hit me, or running to protect me; or how she would buy me so many ice-creams and sweets cos i was an obese child HAHAHA. I miss my grandma i realise. She's the only grandparent i actually can remember a bit of history with. ): I dreamt about her a few weeks ago and she was happy. I don't take deaths well. I think i have this fear of cancer cos everyone i've realllly loved dies of cancer. I dont like all the snide comments people make about cancer, and i hate it when they themselves speak of it as though it's nothing when it's not. :/ Anyywayyyyyyyyyy, i've been having a pleasant week (even if it was bad i'm gna say pleasant) with friendzzz. I'm quite glad that sus and i have been spending much more time together! Beeeetchhhh! HAHA i don't think you'll read this but you know that means i love you! I realise that we aren't as close as we used to be, but we're still close and thank you for that! & I'm quite glad that i still talk to/meet Roopi a biiiiit often and have got Adlin everyday; im only quite sad that im not able to talk as often to the people that i want to talk as often to. I can say out loud that i only have a few friends and nope, im not ashamed of it. Cos i know the friends i have will stay. Im loser like that & i love it. But anyway i still miss alllll the yous i havent talked to in a long whileee! Takecare alright! Okay, its 626 time to get ready for schooool. End early today! :) Adious Samigozz. when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight 4/03/2009 noone but me from URL @ 11:25 PM "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars". Oscar Wilde. How many of you knew back then that you're going to be exactly where you are, doing exactly what you're doing right now? I've got the dreamer's disease. 4/02/2009 noone but me from URL @ 10:29 PM Hello to high and dry, I think that amongst all the epic battles we are constantly fighting, that with self pity is the greatest. As soon as you succumb to self pity, you let your carefully constructed guards down; and the worst thing is that you don't let them down to anyone but yourself. You give in to yourself. You give in to what was out to destroy you all along; you, let yourself watch you crumble and you stand as the silent spectator to your own downfall. And then as soon as you've let your guard down and realise that you're vulnerable, a hermit crab in search for a shell, you start building all these monstrously high walls to shut yourself in. You think this is your home, where you and your vulnerable self are safe when you don't realise that you're just swimming in your own pool of pity. You start drowing, you lose yourself. I think that amongst the most pathetic things to feel, self pity would be it. I say this because i have been nurtured to believe that I am who i make myself to be; and where would self pity get me, seriously. We all live Life, through good times and bad; we are all Human, heart and mind. You feel disappointed, lousy, like shit- that's your heart; but i'm just saying, God blessed you with a mind for a reason too- to draw the line and move on with Life. Yes, we all go through bad days, sometimes bad weeks, but do you think that you're the only one? You think that you're the single and most unlucky person in Earth to be stuck in backspace, failing everything you do? & do you honestly think that shutting yourself in/out for the rest of your life is going to work? Stop trying to hide, stop trying to run and just deal with it; you'll realise it's not so tough after all because you're not alone- there are more of us trying & just you, not. I'm not saying self pity is wrong; at the end of the day, it's inevitable. I'm saying you mope, because letting it out is always what works best; but you gotta know when to draw the line and move on, right whats wrong. Wallowing in self pity, making yourself out to be a loser that you're not, is just pathetic, so get a grip Friend. Please stop and think. You'll never move on till you honestly realise where you are now. I have a point in the repetition of the word, "You". You. i drew a line for you oh what a thing to do, and it was all yellow
|
|
Hello, I'm sarahJ 290491 ex-cedarian, victorian NCC- delta 07, cadet officer |
||
|
Friends abigail adlin cheryl esther fadhilah hasyimah hazwani li chu jessica jingyin kathleen li chu narmadha nishanthi marliyana muhaina mujia natalie nicole nurin marliyana patricia pohsin rupini shanisza shermaine sunmeng suria xiaowei zaferin zarifah zerlina |
||
|
archives |
||
|
& You say? |